Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

.no more naughty or nice list.

 I have to believe I’m not the only mom who has ever threatened to take away a Christmas present due to a fit of bad behavior from her children….after all the naughty and nice list probably started with some stressed out mom whose kids had been stuck indoors for days because of rain and snow. I bet she found herself telling her children there was such a thing as this list in hopes the day would be easier and the kids would get along.

 Last night when I spoke those words….”That’s it, one more fight and I’m taking Christmas presents back to the store. “(and I’ll make you boys return them!), my words felt bitter coming out of my mouth. I started thinking about how conditional my statement to them was. If you are bad, I won’t bless you, if you are good,,,,, etc.

 “hmmmm, maybe I won’t say that ever again “, I thought to myself.

 But God had more of a lesson for me than I realized! Lately, and increasingly, I believe He has been using these happenings with our kids to reveal more of how great and UNCONDITIONAL His love is for me. This is a hard concept for me, because I am so aware of how unworthy I am to receive His love and quite honestly, I think “earning love” has been engrained into my fibers.

    
While I was trying to fall asleep, I was praying and thanking Jesus for coming. Praying that despite my being tired, and Pete being in trial, we would be able to focus on Him this week. Then this thought when through my head as I was replaying our evening and the statement I had made to the boys.

You came.

You sent Your son.

The greatest gift You could offer.

To me.

And You knew all along how I would treat Your gift.

You knew how I would treat the gift giver.

You knew I would resist it. You knew I would ignore it. You  knew I would reject it.

….. AND You still gave it to me.

 

If I knew my kids were going to treat their presents badly; ignore them, reject them, put them on a shelf and forget about them, hide them from their friends because they were embarrassed of them, and then beg me to have them back after treating them like that, I know I wouldn’t want to give them gifts.

Yet, that’s what God my Father did for me….Oh thank you Lord that your gift was not conditioned on my good behavior. You not only gave me your greatest gift, but gave me the ability I wouldn’t have had on my own to open it.

That said, I am never threatening to take away a Christmas present again for bad behavior. (I’ll ground them instead :) The naughty and nice list is dead in this house. After all, we don’t give to our children for any other reason than wanting to bless them and  show them how we love them as unconditionally as possible.

So here's to hoping and praying that maybe Michael, Allie and Alex will grasp just a little bit more than me, a little sooner than me, the love of my Jesus and His unconditional love for those who are His. After all, if you are on His list, you can't be erased!

Lesson learned - thank you Lord!

BHG 2009

Obedience that Sticks.

I’ve been chewing on a statement a friend made;

“Obedience out of duty is good and pleasing, but it won’t stick. It has to be rooted in love.”
God gave me a perfect example of this during a junior high music concert this week.

We are sitting at the boy’s music concert this past Wednesday. There are many groups that perform during the evening and so the music students sit and watch as part of the audience unless they are performing. The concert lasted a little over two hours. Long. And while sitting for that long is a stretch for most parents, it was even more of a challenge for the junior high students. Some of the students were talkative, some were slightly rude and some, I wanted to bop on the head.

First: (duty)
My oldest son was sitting a row in front of the “bop them on the head section”. When the chatter became border line rude, a big, large dad got up and stood against the wall in the aisle next to them and stared. They quieted down a bit, but were still occasionally talking. Michael seemed nervous.

Second: (fear)
20 minutes later the chatter starts to get a little louder. It’s not border line rude anymore. It’s distracting. This time one of the music teachers (who Michael really respects) came and sat down with them. Instantly the whole section was SILENT. After a few minutes she returned to her seat. Michael seemed worried.

Third: (duty, fear AND LOVE)
Again, within 20 minutes, the section of junior high boys became loud. In the row behind Michael, a boy had an ipod that he was letting the kids around him listen to. It was beyond distracting. Even though Michael wasn’t directly involved in the rude behavior, he was close to it and definitely contributing to the noise of the section. I think he felt my eyes on him, because he looked back at me. With one look, I said it all - “I am not pleased.” He nodded to let me understand he KNEW. Then, he got up and moved seats to a quieter section. He seemed sad.

While talking to him later, I asked him why he moved. His response was simply, “Mom, I knew you wanted me to.” I asked him why he didn’t move earlier when the dad and teacher came over. He said, “Mom, I care a little about what they think of me, but I really care what you think.”

I’m always praying for my kids to walk in the ways of the Lord – praying that they will obey Him and be spared the pits of sin. But what God is showing me is that I need to pray they grasp His love for them and in turn, fall in love with their Father. Then, the obedience will just flow, and…..

IT WILL STICK!

please pray for our friends!

Our hearts are breaking for our dear friends, and at the same time, we are humbled and encouraged  by THEIR overwhelming faith, testimony and complete trust in God as they face this huge trial.  God has united our families in unique and amazing ways.  please join us in praying for a miracle of healing and also for God to be very near to them right now- near and real!

Thanks,
Bre

Here is their Blog.

 http://geneburroughs.blogspot.com/

Allie Got Her Braces OFF! YEAH!!!

( The Before Pic)  The day she got them on.

The AFTER PICTURE....

One More...

1 Year, 11 Months and 3 days later - Our little girl is a young lady!

A heavy heart for my friend today.

When the presence of the infinite surrounds us like air -

The face of that which if finite grows  increasingly trivial.


BHG 12-2009

Thinking about my love for God and hoping for - Mature Love.

New Love oozes with passion
Stale Love becomes comfortable.
Selfish Love seeks gratification.
Foolish Love exhausts perfection.

But.

Mature Love -
Is overwhelmed with compassion.
Is alive.
Seeks to please.
Exists. Secure.

Oh your patience Father - that let's me grow.
And oh for Mature Love.

Happiness

A few weeks ago  I was praying with a friend. I don't remember her exact words, but she prayed that I would know more joy, and that God would give me a light heartedness. I don't know what promted her to pray this specifically (well, the Lord! ) But God has used her prayer and turned it into my own personal prayer request to Him these last few weeks.

 I know the difference between happiness and joy, and I would tell you that there have been many times in my life that admidst the presence of some heavy dark trials or pain God has given me a joy in that darkness, but over the last few weeks of taking this prayer before God I have realized that I need to laugh more. At times my family needs to  live lighter. While Joy is good and we can have it all the time,  happiness is fun and God designed us to FEEl it too!

 Maybe its  a product of years of losing people I love or having gone through the trials/stresses that God has allowed in our life, (maybe it's becuase I'm a driven, organized, type A wife and mom :) ), but somewhere along the way I think I started to live life too heavy hearted. I know I  use to laugh more.

I'm not saying we can laugh away hurt or even that would should, there are times to mourn. Oh but there is a time to dance too!!!!  When God lifts the  storms and dawn's light has broke, we need to enjoy the respit and LAUGH.

Sooooo, the kids and I were messing around this afternoon and we started laughing. It wasn't even becuase anything was all that funny, we just started laughing and it turned into that deep belly, stomach hurting, cheek burning laughing. It was great! And when we calmed down, this was my prayer :

- Oh Thank you God! That was fun! Thank you for this day that life is ok and everyone I love is ok, and I can just laugh. Thank you God.

Allie took this picture.... :) And though it's a little embarassing, I'm posting it anyway, because everytime I see it, I'm going to remember how good today felt!

Growing up!

The day he got his braces on...

talking to Dad right after we got home

2 years, 6 months, 4 days later....

Growing Up!

One Day

One day further away from who I have been.

One day closer to who I'll be.

One day.

This IS the day that the lord has made, I WILL rejoice and be glad in it.

Prayer

A song I wrote today for one who is on my heart...

Hoping for your eyes to open
Hoping for Your mind to clear
Hoping for your hands to reach out, to the One who put you here.

Hoping for Your heart to break
If more is what it’s going to take
Hoping that the road you're on, is named Damascus.

Here I stay waiting
From the deep I am begging
for you to know My Love.

Praying that your cell walls crumble
Praying lovers leave you dry
Praying then your soul will yell out with a desperate cry

Praying for your name to be
The one He calls out before me
Praying we will fall down together, and thank Him for Damascus.

Here I stay waiting
From the deep I am begging
for you to know My Love, Oh my love, for you to know.


BHG 11/2009

Memories of a patriotic mother

I was putting gas into my car this morning and was distracted and drawn to watch this older gentlemen who was exerting much effort to independently put gas into his car next to me. He was quite along in years, had a seasoned face, and hands that looked like they still work hard. He had a flannel shirt tucked in (way to high) to his very neatly pressed slacks and was wearing a hat that said World War II Veteran. It had pins and patches all over it. I made eye contact with him and said, "I want to thank you sir, for serving our country." He proudly and quietly said, "you are welcome young lady." He carefully, slowly got into his Buick and drove off. That was it, and I was teary.

It got me thinking...Why do I choke up at things like that? I always have. I feel so STRONGLY about proudly hanging our American Flag on any day that calls for it to be hung! I am seriously moved to tears when my kids or anyone for that matter recites speeches or writings from the beginning days of our country. I get angry when soldiers aren't respected or honored. I ball like a baby when the Star Spangled Banner is sung at the Olympics. Where does this all come from?

As I was driving home, my mind began wandering back to being a little girl, and I had several fond memories I hadn't remembered in a long time - Memories of my patriotic mommy.

To share a few, these are just a couple of the things I remember very clearly and strongly:

Being at a High School football game at French Field, probably 6 or 7 with my Grandpa Johnny. "Girls, we ALWAYS put our hand on our chest when they play the National Anthem." My mom bent down and I remember her gently putting and holding my hand on my chest for the whole song, the whole song!

Car Trip to the Ocean, age 7 or 8. I remember my mom teaching Jenny and I songs like "This land is your land", "America the beautiful", "The Star Spangled Banner" in the car. I remember singing them during that entire weekend and trying to "teach" Jenny the words even though I didn't understand them myself.

While living in Indiana, age 9. Our Neighbors had an American Flag that had fallen from the pole on the house and it sat on the ground dirty and aging for quite a long time. I remember my mom telling us how angry it made her (very passionately) that they didn't pick it up. I then remember her sitting Jenny and I down at the kitchen table and telling us the rules for the flag. (I think I still remember them all)(in case you want to share or read these with your kids....www.usa-flag-site.org/)

Sitting at my Great Grandparents house for the last time in Puyallup, WA. Age 12. Listening to my Great Grandfather speak so proudly to my mom about my Grandpa's time in the service. Listening to the sheer concern and fear in their voices for a cousin of mine, who at the time was serving in Iraq.

The list goes on, All little memories of my mother speaking or displaying patriotism to me. I'm not sure why it was so deeply rooted in her, but it was. Did it come from her childhood, was it somehow related to my dad's service in the military ?(Quite a lot has surfaced after his death regarding his service in Vietnam and his possilble position as a "tunnel rat".) Regardless of the how or the why, the truth is my mom was SERIOUSLY patriotic and she ingrained a love and pride for this country in me.

So today as we honor the veterans who have served our country, I wanted to thank a few people who have affected my life, and proudly served America. Mike, Oley, and Paul, Thank you for serving and sacrificing. I honor you today!

Thoughts out loud

OK, since this is my blog I am going to take the liberty to be opinionated and rant a bit.
I know that will surprise so many of you:)

I am burdened by the state of the church (in general) today. Grieved, would be an even better word. This has consumed my thinking today.

How is it that we have become so quick to dismiss any truth in the bible that we can't understand or explain about God? That is my question for the day!

I am sick of truth being watered down simply for the reason that we can't fully comprehend or understand it. Even worse, is when we water it down so that we won't offend people. Just because we don't completely "get it", doesn't mean it isn't so and just because it can be hard to swallow, doesn't mean we should leave it on the plate.

Isaiah 45:7 "The One forming light and creating darkness, Causing well-being and creating calamity;I am the LORD who does all these."

Isaiah 45:9 "Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker--An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, 'What are you doing?' Or the thing you are making say, 'He has no hands'? "Woe to him who says to a father, 'What are you begetting?'Or to a woman, 'To what are you giving birth?'"Thus says the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker: "Ask Me about the things to come concerning My sons, And you shall commit to Me the work of My hands."It is I who made the earth, and created man upon it I stretched out the heavens with My hands And I ordained all their host.

Isaiah 43:10b
"I am He, Before Me there was no God formed, And there will be none after Me."
"I, even I, am the LORD, And there is no Saviour besides Me. "It is I who have declared and saved and proclaimed, And there was no strange god among you; So you are My witnesses," declares the LORD,"And I am God. "Even from eternity I am He, And there is none who can deliver out of My hand; I act and who can reverse it?"

Isaiah 42:8
I am the LORD, that is My name; I will not give My glory to another, Nor My praise to graven images.


Isaiah 48:11
For My own sake, for My own sake, I will act;For how can My name be profaned? And My glory I will not give to another.

So for the fear that I may appear self righteous as I vent my frustration, let me first state: My human mind is constantly limited in my attempts to understand our Creator, and apart from the Spirit of God's calling on my life, I know I wouldn't know Him. That said...

My frustration isn't with those who are lost, but those who claim to be found, and yet deny the power of the One who has saved them!

Our God, who has saved us, says "He creates darkness" and "causes calamity". It is for HIS glory, not ours, so why can't we just rest in that?

If you asked me what is the most important thing in my life, this is it...His GLORY!
I want HIS glory above all. Above my own life, my husbands, my children....No matter what that means! And I am not just saying that, I really mean it. If it means suffering, if it means losing whatever, if it means death, if it means I would praise Him from hell(which I know is not doctrinally correct, but you get my point) I want it if it ultimately will bring my God the most glory! Up until a few years ago, I would have told you I couldn't have made this statement because I wouldn't have truly meant it with all of me. But Praise the Lord He has shown me more of Himself and shown me more of who I am without Him and today, because of His work in my heart, I truly want - His glory above ALL.

I am so saddened that we are so quick to minimize God's sovereignty for the fear of offending people! Who He is can't be defined or explained by what He created. So why is it that when God can't be confined by a big enough box, we try to shrink Him into one?

Jesus did not dress Himself up to gather a bigger crowd. He didn't shy away from speaking the truth because He was afraid people wouldn't like it. Yet Jesus loved people right where they were at. Jesus is the creator and epitomy of love. He knew loving them meant leading them to His truth.

His truth will stand whether we understand it or like it. He is who He is and He will not change or be detoured. He will not compromise, bend or relent from His own will. He will glorify Himself.

There is so much in the Word of God that overwhelms my finite mind, but I never want to be guilty of trying to shrink God into something smaller than He is so that I could feel like I understand Him! I am tired of His truth being watered down.

God is love, He is truth. Wouldn't it be awesome if we the church could get obsessed about love and truth at the same time and with equal passion? It seems any more we focus on one or the other but it is rare to see truth and love flowing at the same time.

God grabbing my boys hearts

My heart was so full this weekend as I got to hear and see the passion God is giving my boys for His truth. Pastor Andrew started a boys discipleship group and invited the boys to come. I was surprised they were so excited about it since the first week required them to be out of bed before seven on a Saturday. :) I have been praying very specifically all summer for God to grab their hearts and for them to hear HIS call on their life, and not just Pete and I's voices. We have been stressing to them all summer the fact that they are now old enough that their relationship with God needs to be just that, THEIRS.

They have come home from camps/youth group excited about what they have learned before, but this was different. Saturday was different. They came home with an individual passion and excitement for how the Word had touched them. It really did just touch them where they were at.

They could not only stop talking about what they had talked about in group, but there was a sweet tenderness, and vulnerability in them all weekend. God's truth sank down deep in them Saturday morning. The discussion was on how when we become aware of our own sin the cross of Christ gets bigger in our life, but when we aren't aware of our sin, we minimize the power of the cross. Alex was so excited to show me the scriptures. Michael kept talking about how He hadn't thought of any of what they talked about before. I am amazed at how God specifically orchestrated this relationship with Pastor Andrew(another posting would be required to tell that story. )

SOOOOOO, praise God with me that His Spirit is grabbing the hearts of my sons!Praise God for how he is using Pastor Andrew's obedience and heart to reach our boys, To God be the Glory! My heart is very full!

Halloween 2009

Halloween was a CRAZY fun day! The day started early with some worship practice, bible study for the boys, senior pictures with Alyssa, then Alex had a soccer game. We left the game to go hang out with the cute cousins and our friends Rachel, Sawyer and Fisher! Oh, they were so cute! Allie wanted to surprise Rachel with a twin Dorothy costume.(I didn't want to spend any money on costumes, so she had to be creative!) Alex was coming from his soccer game, so he was a "soccer player", and Michael was Michael. :O) The boys had fun helping run the fishing booth at the festival at church. After the fun there, we had a yummy chili dinner with friends. THEN, we went to a party Michael's soccer team was having. It was a full, fun day! I think my favorite part was watching Lincoln sporting his mohawk and holding Fisher in his cutie costume! (I wanted to hug him just looking at that cute little hat!) Great day! Yeah for an extra hour of sleep that night!

Soccer! Soccer and More Soccer!

The past few months have been filled with tons of soccer games. I am behind in loading my pictures onto the computer! But, here are a few of Alex. He had so much fun in this game!

Cliff Jumping and Rope Swinging with Uncle James

James and Samantha have been down to visit this last week. We had way too much fun and forgot to take pictures a lot of the time, but the camera was in full action last night. James showed the kids some true adventure and they got some crazy air! Allie did it once and that was good for her.

Happy 6th Birthday Kacia!!!

How did my beautiful baby girl become six years old???

some almost back to school pictures

almost bedtime in the trailer!

Cooper wanted a bed too. He would get kicked out of one and then hit someone else up with his puppy eyes...awww, Michael was the softy. I'm beginning to wonder if Cooper is our fourth child??? At least I can put him in a crate when he gets too hyper :):):)

Meet Tarzan, our very OUTDOOR cat!

This is Tarzan, I noticed him a few weeks ago when I was drinking coffee on the porch. I kept hearing a rustling in the bushes and then noticed the little kitty living in them. The funny thing is that he really lives in the bushes! He stays in them ALL day. (hence the name Tarzan, for jungle kitty) Anyways, he was skinny and skittish, so Allie and I have been feeding him tuna and milk every morning. The minute I call him in the morning, he comes out. Today, he finally came close to me and stayed for a while, but he still won't let us pet him. I want to go on the record saying that Tarzan will remain an outdoor kitty! I have no more sanity left to spend on getting rid of animal hair! But, he makes a nice accessory to my porch and morning coffee, and now he won't starve. So meet Tarzan!





Oh, I forgot to mention...until Tarzan lets us get a little closer, he remains and "it" :)

New Blog

It was time to seperate my family blog from a work blog. So here it is.

www.portfoliobybreanna.blogspot.com

Stay tuned for an interactive website coming soon!

Playing in the Pool!

These two have some sort of twin thing going on lately....kinda nice (and rare) for siblings to be such good friends as teenagers!





Alex is so happy to have ear plugs that enable him to get in the pool. He still can't dunk his head, but the ear plugs beat the swim cap!

practicing

People are much more fun for me to shoot than landscapes and architecture, but Stanford provided a playground for me to practice lighting, foucssing, and being able to change speeds in order to get different results with water, etc.

leaving for Stanford

We leave for Stanford today. Please pray for wisdom from the doctors and clear dirction and answers.


and on a lighter note,,,some pictures from my new portrait lens- YEAH! That thing rocks!





and oh, when did my teenagers begin to stick their tongues out again?!

a little testimony

"What good are the trials we endure if we are not able to point to the one who brings us through them."

That said, life this past decade has not been boring, and while I feel I could write a book about how God has changed me, carried me, pulled me and pushed me through the challenges He has entrusted to me, I will just take a few paragraphs today.

I feel the need to give God some glory publicly! So I am turning this post into a public testimony!

This past year has been life changing for Pete and I. I don't feel like the same person, and I am not married to the person I married almost 15 years ago. My family is living differntly than we have before. I see the work of the Lord in my children and I know the Spirit has begun a great work that will continue!

so to bring Him the glory for what He has done, let me share a few things about how God has revealed Himself more to me.

GOD IS MY FATHER! - I can say that with a different understanding than I could last year.

GOD IS MY PROVIDER! enough said. He alone has provided faithfully!

GOD IS MY SUSTAINER! A refuge who has supplied unexplainable peace.

GOD IS MY HOPE! My dreams have changed. What I hope for now is so different than what I have spent my life hoping for. I hope for His work in my life, in my family's lives and for His glory to be poured out through me.

GOD IS MY HEALER! He takes what is broken and restores it in His beauty.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. I have known His joy in the midst of pain. I am free, I feel so free! Free to forvive, free to love, free to worship!

His Spirit has poured out of me through music, and words. I am humbled to be a vessel for His Holy Spirit to reside in.

I have experienced the joy of sharing the gospel and seeing election in physical form. It has left me hungry to become more passionate and consumed with sharing the gospel that has saved me.

So to my Lord, Thank you for what you have allowed in my life that has led me to this place of abandonment, true joy, peace and new dreams!

I am Abandoned and sold out to the TRUTH, the truth that has saved a wretch like me!

Now, to live it!

Some recent work